5 strategies to build your confidence
I have often said that, for me, confidence is a learned behaviour. Confidence can mean different things to different people – to believe in their abilities, or to speak up about something. And there may be a range of barriers in the way to that confidence, like imposter syndrome, or not truly knowing yourself. Either way there is a way to build confidence so that you can approach challenges at your best. I will share the 5 strategies I have used, to learn confidence.
1 Stop comparing yourself to other people
Comparing ourselves to other people is a natural thing. We do it at a young age with our friends or brothers and sisters. At school we are constantly put up and compared against other people with grades. We take this into life and look at other people and our comparison affects our confidence.
What makes this worse is that we compare ourselves to people who are at different stages. If you are comparing to somebody 5-10 years ahead of where you are at, the expectation that you should be the same is unrealistic. It is one thing to look to what they are doing but it is another to expect the same results as them right now.
The only comparison I now do is with my previous self. I compare where I am now to where I once was. The growth that I see provides confidence, and this is the start of an approach of how to build confidence.
2 Change your mind about 'failure' and 'losing'
How often do you approach a task and think if it doesn’t go well, you have failed? ‘Failure’ and ‘losing’ are two things that provide learning, and they are not absolutes. If something doesn’t go to plan it shouldn’t define you. When you feel like a failure, ask yourself:
What will I do differently in this situation next time?
Is what I am feeling a reality, or is it just my perception? – talk to somebody else close to the situation and get their view.
What can I learn from the situation?
Improvement comes from challenging situations, some of which may have not gone to plan. This is a reason to go into situations that might be out of your comfort zone, or be difficult to achieve what you want. You shouldn’t be scared of failure going into something, but instead excited for how much you can learn, regardless of the outcome. If you can approach situations with these three questions in mind, you will build confidence to tackle big things.
3 Get to know yourself
I believe that truly knowing yourself is one of the best things you can do. Knowing yourself makes it easier to operate how you want to. For me, this process also went into understanding my strengths and weaknesses – this means being confident in knowing what my abilities are, what I can do, and what skills I should seek to maximize.
This process allows you to get comfortable with who you are, and when you are comfortable with yourself, it will be easier to gain confidence in yourself.
4 Other people aren't as focused on you as you think they are
The fear of what other people think of you is far greater in your head than reality. You are the centre of your universe and therefore it is normal to believe everyone else is as focused on you as you are – this is the same for everyone. Although, just as you are the centre of your universe, they are the centre of theirs. Their focus is more on them than you. Therefore you should be easier on yourself.
In ‘Presence’, Amy Cuddy discusses this concept, even for when you are the centre of attention. For example, if you are delivering a presentation, others are more focused on what it is you are saying rather than you. The reality is that people aren’t paying as much attention to us as we think, even if we feel they are.
Getting your head around this concept allows you to let go of some external pressure and make sure you can focus on bringing your best self to the table. As a result, it will help you build confidence.
5 Control the narrative of your own limitations
Everybody has a narrative about themselves, and this includes the story you tell about your journey. Often within this narrative is the story of your own limitations:
'I can't climb that mountain'
‘I'll never get that promotion'
‘I can’t get out of this situation’
Do any of these examples sound familiar? Well what if you change the narrative of your limitations and try anyway? Sure, it might be hard to climb a mountain, but rather than ‘I can’t do it’, you say ‘what if I can?’ By doing this you change the focus from what you think you can’t do to what you actually bring to the table.
By taking control of the narrative, along with the first 4 strategies in this post, you might find you build confidence to take on bigger challenges and achieve your goals. What better confidence booster is there than achieving goals?
Is confidence a learned behaviour for you? What strategies do you use to ensure you bring your best self to a challenge?